Life After the NICU

Bryce and I have been working with videographer, Whitney Milam, for the last few months on a special PSA video for Hand to Hold.

The title is Life after the NICU and the idea is to give a realistic view of what a day in the life of a NICU graduate can be like.

We shot several hours of video spread out over several different days and locations. 

I said a LOT of stuff, most of which was either useless, dumb or repetitive. Thank goodness editing has me sounding moderately intelligent and with it! ;-)

It was impossible for me to know what the end product would be like even though I was an integral part of it. So I'm pleased to say that I think it's fantastic. And I hope you enjoy!

Steps!!!

Bryce took his very first independent steps last summer while we were in Michigan for the Conductive Learning Center's summer camp.  We were at the toddler play area at the mall and if my dad hadn't happened to have been standing right next to me, witnessing them, I truly wouldn't have believed my eyes.

As with all things Bryce, progress is steady but exasperatingly slow.  And since those steps he's continued to stand all by himself more and more, with increasing success and confidence.  He's also continued to work on taking a step or two and more recently 3 or 4 and, just very recently - and only very occasionally - as many as 5 or 6.

Try as I might, getting this on video has been impossible.  He'll do it once, completely out of the blue and then fall trying to do it again for the video.

BUT today, I finally got it!  So now that it's captured on video, posted to the blog and will soon be shared to Facebook, it's officially official - Bryce is taking steps!

(By the way, please don't judge us but we like to rock out before bedtime - hence the very loud background music - wink, wink)

I can't even express how joyful and grateful this makes my heart, y'all.  To be completely honest, there were months, years really, that I didn't know if Bryce would someday walk on his own.  Last summer when I saw him take those first steps I thought ok, he'll walk some but probably still need a walker or canes.

But seeing the fierce determination in his sweet little face when he's taking those fought and fraught for steps gives me new found hope and optimism that maybe someday he'll walk - really walk.

It's not like I think the end all, be all is walking.  It's just that life is harder if you aren't an independent walker.  Bryce's walker prevents him from walking on the playground, walking in and out of our front door, getting onto the bus by himself and so much more.

And as his mama, I think he has enough hardness in his life.  Wouldn't it be nice if this particular struggle was a part of his past?  I think so.

First Day of School

Today is Bryce's first day back to school. I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry...okay maybe just a little. 

I can't believe summer has come and gone. It's often hard to mark the passing of time with Bryce - his abilities are not vastly changed (though progress has certainly been begrudgingly made), his feet are one size bigger and his glasses new but his clothes from last year still fit. Despite the typical signs of your child growing older and bigger, time still moves as fleetingly. 

Soon we'll have to figure out where Bryce will go next year, we'll have to settle in for a fight against kindergarten and a serious look at alternatives. 

But today I'm just going to relish in the pure joy of having two amazingly loving and sweet little boys that will let me hug and kiss on them {almost} as much as I want. 

I'm going to focus on summoning the will to make the tough decisions (therapy, back to MI, kinder, Botox, posterior v. anterior walker, insurance...and the list goes on and on) over the coming weeks and months. I'm going to soak up all the little boy love I can and will Bryce's first day into an exciting, fun and friend filled success!

We have so much to be grateful for today! 

His favorite teacher was just as happy to see him as he and I were to see her. 

He was so excited he could barely bother looking at me while waving good-bye. 

I am so, so proud of how brave and confident Bryce is despite his challenges. 

And there went my heart, without even looking back...

Cleaning House

Finally going through the last of Bryce's medical stuff. I never would have guessed it would be hard to throw away oxygen tubing, nasal cannulas and NG tubes.

Wow, why do I still have NG tubes?? We should have ceremoniously burned all of this in a huge bonfire a year and a half ago!

As confident as I am that we are passed all of those scary breathing issues - I just can't bring myself to not keep a set of emergency supplies.

We'll probably always have an oxygen tank and tubing. And that is ok.

What a Week...

My sincere apologies for my lack of posting. As I was telling a dear friend at Bryce's party on Saturday, I sometimes feel like my blog has to follow the Thumper's Mom Philosophy...you know, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

I took Bambi seriously as a child and I guess it just stuck. I don't want to be negative and I don't want to be a downer, so when you see a lack of posts here at the blog it's likely a good sign that I'm trying to find a way to deal with something.

When Bryce was first born everything about our life was up side down, in side out and complete turmoil. These days are quite the opposite. We've settled into a routine, we rarely find that we have a medical emergency or new health issue to understand.

For the vast majority of the time, life is down right good.

But I do have my down moments.

I just prefer to bottle them up. And now that we're not in the midst of survival mode I'm able to do so much more effectively.

But my friend suggested that I be more honest - more like I was before. And since I respect and value her opinion I'm going to do my best to do just that.

Bryce's second birthday was just a week ago tomorrow but I've felt it coming on like a flu. You get a little sleepy, a little achy, a little less motivated and a little grumpy. No matter how hard you try to ignore the symptoms it always boils over into a mess of a day where you get nothing done but rest and try to let your body recover.

I HATE to equate Bryce's birthday with the flu. But let's face it, that was the best and worst day of my life. And I know that for most of our friends and family it's hard to understand how something that happened two years ago could possibly still be an open wound. But I'm here to say, honestly, that it absolutely is.

The saving grace is my precious baby Bryce - who soon I won't be able to call that anymore so I'm getting it all in while I can.

I had an email conversation with another mom last week who has two preemies. Her first is turning 11 this year and she said that she only now is able to fully embrace the celebration of his birthday without the bittersweet emotions.

It was so nice to hear from someone who got it. It's hard to find another human being who really understands these feelings. So what do you do with them? Well, I bottle 'em up, shove 'em down and keep on moving. I even went to the NICU last Monday night to do my weekly parent to parent volunteering. Wow, probably not a good idea.

I stood at the scrub sink almost exactly two years to the day from the first time I stood there and scrubbed in. The memory of the terrifying thought of walking in to see Bryce in the NICU for the first time is un-repressable. I remember so well that feeling of not knowing where I was, how I got there, what would become of my son, my life, my future. We were so sure he couldn't survive that I was in a constant state of trying to figure out how I would deal with losing my baby.

How would I go on? How would I ever find a way to be happy? How would Caleb and I get through such a trauma?

Well, he did survive - oh boy, did he! But our body remembers, the mind remembers. If you spend weeks and months preparing for a loss it doesn't just go away. It lurks in your subconscious, ever-ready to surface if necessary. It haunts your thoughts and tugs at your soul.

So there it is, there is the awful truth. As I celebrate the birth of my son I'm still working through the trauma of that birth. As we surround ourselves with friends, family, sweets and smiles - inside I'm fighting tears, I'm wondering when the next bad thing might happen, I'm fighting to stay above water until it's all a memory.

That's my coping method and while it might not be doctor recommended it's getting me through. I've been off the Zoloft for the better part of a year - the emotions may be raw and they may make me feel vulnerable but I'm feeling them, I'm dealing with them and I know eventually I'll be whole again. At least mostly.

So, I'm sorry there was no big happy 2nd birthday post. I just couldn't muster it. But I promise to post the video of Bryce eating his first brownie sundae on his birthday later today or maybe tomorrow.

And I thank my friend for suggesting openly that I get over my need to please and just be be honest. I hope it's okay with the rest of my readers as well.

Thank you all for your love, support and fellowship.

Barreling Into Our Lives

I believe that most of our readers are familiar with Bryce's tumultuous beginnings and most of you also know that there are a hand full of organizations that I credit with helping us to get through the hardest time in our lives. One such organization is Hand to Hold, a local Austin non-profit that works solely with the parents of preemies by providing resources, peer mentoring and community to a group that tend to otherwise feel thrust out into a world of doctors, therapists and special needs all alone.

Well, this month we are the highlight family for Hand to Hold's website. Please take a second to refresh yourself on the story that brought you to us all those months ago and consider supporting this amazing organization:

Barreling Into Our Lives

New Year, New Bryce

With 2010 soundly behind us I now have the ability to look back at a full year of having Bryce home with us. We were busy, busy, busy trying to help him be all that he can be (to knock off the army).

We had 52 straight weeks of physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, dietician counseling, doctor visits and specialist check ups. We also had some real moments of panic and some very real moments of awe. We learned that just because there is a tried and true way to teach a CP preemie how to do new things there also may be an equally effective alternative. We've spend a lot of time pushing, pushing, pushing only to be left frustrated and defeated. But then a week later see the fruits of our labor come into a full bloom.

And so, as this new year begins we begin anew with our efforts to afford Bryce every opportunity we possibly can to be the best Bryce he can be. We have the support of our tireless family, some wonderful organizations (Hand to Hold, March of Dimes, Graham's Foundation) and the best therapists we could possibly ask for to help us navigate this winding road.

What on the itinerary for 2011, you ask? Well, crawling. And sitting. And words. And eventually, hopefully walking.

In 2010 we witnessed Bryce progress from essentially being a newborn on oxygen with serious feeding issues, who just so happened to actually be 6 months old, to being developmentally a 6 month old who rolls, babbles, mimics and loves to make you laugh. It's not as much change as a "normally developing" baby would make in a year but it's truly remarkable for Bryce.

Unfortunately, for Bryce we now know how much he is capable of. And so our immediate goal is to put almost, kind of sitting and rolling as a means of transportation behind us to focus on a Bryce who sits at will for extended periods of time and uses crawling as his means of getting where he wants when he wants.

And we're off to a great start already. My dad and I are working on an "anti-rolling device" that will make rolling impossible for Bryce while on the floor. He mostly hates it but as you can see from the videos from yesterday with the prototype, he's taking "baby steps" already.

Just One Good Push



Progress

We thank you all for continuing to stick by us as 2010 flew by and 2011 begins. May you all have a wonderful, productive and rewarding new year!

Oh the Anticipation!

Today is the day we find out how Bryce fared in the Preemie Power Photo Contest. No matter what the celebrity judges think I know Bryce is, and always will be, our super hero!

Don't forget that November is National Prematurity Awareness Month. Which is why Hand to Hold is hosting the Preemie Power Photo Contest. The idea is that we can help raise awareness about prematurity by celebrating some of our local preemies, our "preemie superheros."

Today is the Preemie Power Event which is celebration of Hand to Hold's first birthday, a family friendly fall festival and where we'll learn the winner of the photo contest.

Thanks to all of you who support us by keeping up with the blog, sending us sweet comments, voting and spreading the word about prematurity. I can't imagine where we'd be without all of the support of our friends, family and friends of friends, family of friends, friends of....well, you get my point.

Check back later today for the final results and have a wonderful Sunday!

NICU Reunion

Well Thursday marked Bryce's one year anniversary of when he finally came back to the place he was born - home.

Man, time flies.

The NICU seems all at once a lifetime ago and just yesterday. And we've come a long way in that time. Bryce was on oxygen, a pulse oximeter to monitor is oxygen levels and a nasal gastric feeding tube to supplement breast feedings with tube feedings. We were on strict lock down - no visits out unless absolutely necessary and few visits in but no children (aka little germy people) inside our home, period.

All of that is a thing of the past and although we have many struggles and hurdles yet to face we can look back and see that whatever it is, we'll figure it out. I'm one proud Momma of one amazing baby boy.

And what a better way to celebrate all of this than to attend the Dell NICU reunion yesterday? Bryce commemorated the event with his first tattoo - a "Proud to be a NICU graduate" tat on his bicep, of course.


It was a beautiful day and we had a great time visiting with all of our old nurses, respiratory therapists, neonatologists and friends of the NICU. It was really awesome to see some of Bryce's old NICU-mates too. Jaden has gotten so big that I thought at first he was someone else's kiddo - way to go Joanna! And Luke was sans helmet and as cute as ever! The Whitakers are one amazing family!

I also finished up my training to be the Dell NICU's March of Dimes parent-to-parent volunteer. I need a TB test, shot record and badge to finish up preparation for this exciting new role. I'm planning to make weekly visits to the NICU where I'll visit with any family on the unit and offer an "I've been there" ear. I just know that this would have been a priceless asset while Bryce was in the NICU and I'm so looking forward to the opportunity to do that for someone else!

There are only three more daily opportunities to vote for Bryce and spread the word about prematurity. Then we'll find out if the celebrity judges also agree that Bryce is the super hero we think he is at the Preemie Power Family Celebration on Saturday.

Please take a moment to click here & vote for Bryce.

Weekend Update

So much to tell! First of all, Bryce slept last night from 10 p.m. to this morning at 6 a.m.!!!! Holy, wonderful sleep filled night!!

Again, it has to be because he ate, ate and ate some more yesterday. Ending the eating fest with a huge bottle with rice cereal in it too.

And then this morning he had some more rice cereal:

And then this afternoon he had some sweet potato - his first real food:

As you can see, Bryce thoroughly enjoys eating. We are unusually grateful for this because we know from our experience in the NICU that many, if not most, preemies who spend months intubated have feeding issues well beyond the poor sucking muscles. Many have oral aversions, they don't like anything in or near their mouths - which makes eating, even from a bottle, a huge undertaking for them and their amazing parents. And the problem only gets worse as the varied textures of food are introduced.

So we are so proud of our baby Bryce - we may not know what the future holds for our precious boy, but we can certainly relish in the present!

And don't forget to sign up to walk with us in the March for Babies!

March with Us...PLEASE!

**You missed it! There was a silly e-card here with my face on a cartoon walking in the March for Babies but I had to take it down for technical reasons so if you didn't get a chance to see it you'll have to keep an eye out for similar new posts...sorry!

But you can still donate or sign up to walk...

Click here to help me reach my goal!

You Gotta Be Kiddin Me

I'll admit it, I really thought I was going to escape this illness unscathed. No I mean, I really, really thought I would. Naive? Just plain dumb? Optimistic? Yeah, yeah and whatever.

It started yesterday, just as Bryce and Caleb both proved to really be on the mend. A scratchy throat, a body ache and a general feeling of apathy.

Now it's been quite awhile since I've been sick and I credit it to two things: I finally had my tonsils taken out a couple of years ago and should I feel a sickness coming on I take vitamin C like it's going out of style, drink lots of fluids, stay warm and go to bed early. It's like magic I tell ya.

Unless of course you happen to have a baby at home that doesn't sleep through the night. And is still a little grumpy and overly needy due to his still getting over the very same sickness which threatens to ruin your Valentine's Day.

Oy, Valentine's Day. Did I forget to mention we have our first romantic anything since Bryce was born (8 months ago) planned for Saturday night? Yep. Movie tickets bought. Dinner reservations made. Hotel reservations made. Grandma baby sitter booked.

And all I can think of is sleeping through the night.

Sad, I know.

Despite all of my complaining I really am looking forward to it. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let this little bug keep me down for long!

Home Sweet Home part deux

We are home and so happy to be! We've already had a welcome home, Bryce visit from Poppa too!

Bryce is like a new man today. He's still on the extra oxygen and not eating full blast but the progress is impossible to ignore.

And how nice to come home to this in my inbox...

I barely recognize the baby in the picture and can hardly believe it's Bryce on the very day we began this latest healthcare endeavor with him. Yep, that was the last time I saw my baby boy truly happy - Tuesday, a week ago tomorrow.

Thanks Sweet Mary for the sweet reminder of what we have to look forward to as Bryce continues to improve, as I know he will.

It sure was scary being back in the hospital, especially in the new way in which we don't know exactly what is wrong with him (i.e. he was born to early) and exactly what we need to do for him (keep him going until he can do it for himself).

But we had a secret weapon that I'll be forever grateful for. Thank you all for your continued prayers and support!

Good news! All tests came back clear, going to try to take Bryce off fluids and go home today! Virus turned into an infection in his lungs but all else is ok!

Preliminary Results

The preliminary results from the spinal tap show that Bryce has almost no white blood cells in his spinal fluid, this means that an infection is unlikely. This is wonderful news because that would have been about the worst thing I could imagine at this point.

The cultures will take 48 hours to grow, or hopefully not grow, anything. They took a stool, urine, blood and spinal fluid sample to rule out infection pretty much anywhere in the body.

His lungs this morning sound much more junky all over which leads the docs to think he has developed bronchiolitis from the virus he's been fighting. Apparently this is quite common at this time of the year, even in kids who don't have such poor lung tissue.

He also did eat a little last night and was awake more than all of yesterday combined. He's hacking up a lot of stuff this morning which makes him very angry and usually leads to a bit of a desat but otherwise I'm optimistic that he may be turning a corner.

We're keeping our fingers crossed.

No Answers, More Questions

Bryce's lethargy and lack of appetite today were significant and have the doctors concerned that there is possibly something more going on. They've done a series of xrays and a CT scan of his head to check for possible shunt malfunction. Fortunately that all

looked good but now there is a concern that Bryce may have meningitis.

They are planning to do a lumbar puncture in the next hour or so and start antibiotics just in case.

We should hopefully know more in the morning. I'm sorry for the lack of real information but he's

pretty much got us all stumped.

I'll be sure to post more as I know more. Thanks for thinking of us!

We're Back

We kept waiting for Bryce to start feeling better but it seemed he was only getting worse as the days mounted.

His fever began on Tuesday and hasn't yet let up. Yesterday he seemed pretty good in the morning but by late afternoon he was wheezing, coughing and satting in the low 80's. He should, and usually does sat between 95 and 100, without extra oxygen. But he's been on extra oxygen for the last two days.

He scared Dad and Abuelita while I was out yesterday afternoon by turning a little blue all over and becoming extremely lethargic. So off to the ER we went for the second time in a week.

And the same old routine there: medieval chest xray (and now Caleb can vouch for the fact that my description does not even begin to do justice to its awfulness), draw blood, put in IV, swab nose. Only this time they swabbed his nose for RSV again and Pertussis, a.k.a. whooping cough, as well. Both came back negative.

We also had to call in the special forces for the blood draw and IV poke. After one poke and several nurses examining Bryce for access the NICU nurses came down and made it look like a walk in the park. Those ladies saved us, yet again. I wonder if they ever tire of being such heros.

Speaking of the NICU, I think the ER must have been terribly ready to get rid of us and Bryce's entourage of visiting RTs and nurses from upstairs. Word travels quickly in the NICU and we didn't even make it out of the car in the ER drive before we were recognized and Bryce was shuffled away by a former nurse of his.

It was looking like we might be taking him home last night again but then Bryce had several coughing spells that resulting in a complete inability for him to breathe. His entire body turned beet red and he simply couldn't get a breath in. After one I noticed what appeared to be a rash all over his neck and up his face. It was broken blood vessels from his forceful coughing.

And that's when they decided to keep him overnight to monitor his oxygen needs. The residents on the floor they put us on found his history quite intriguing. I had hoped that would encourage them to return after their millions of questions with some clue as to what is going on. It didn't.

Bryce slept quite well after we all finally got settling in right at 2 a.m. And since then he has eaten almost nothing and despite Tylenol is still running a fever over 100. But his lungs sound clearer now than last night and he isn't wheezing constantly any more.

I suspect that we will be discharged today but will be battling this thing for many more days. Unfortunately Bryce has also mastered the pitiful look in the last couple of days so even though I haven't gotten the illness yet, I'm in a lot of pain.

I'll be sure to keep the blog updated as the day progresses and we learn more. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to sign up to walk with us on May 8 at Auditorium Shores for the March for Babies (by the March of Dimes). And thank you as well to those of you who have so generously donated - we're more than a quarter of the way to our goal of $1000 raised already!

Much as the expertise of the NICU never ceases to amaze me, your love and support of us never does either.

Your gift will support March of Dimes research and programs that help moms have full-term pregnancies and babies begin healthy lives. And it will be used to bring comfort and information to families with a baby in newborn intensive care.

Business Time

Okay, so this is something near and dear to my heart.

I'll first begin though with an update on my baby boy.

Bryce is such a strong little boy. He still has a fever but it remains at or below 100. He does have a cough that is getting worse but the doctor told us to expect this. I hate that I know he doesn't feel well. He coughs and then looks up at me with the saddest little, tired eyes. It breaks my heart, as I'm sure most of you are all too familiar with. I can only hope and pray that it will get better instead of worse as I'm seriously beginning to worry that he needs more oxygen due to this more and more frequent hacking.

All in all though I feel that Bryce is on the mend and continuning to once again prove his fierce toughness.

So to the business. A couple of things:

I tried unsuccessfully to find a link to this great story we saw on ABC news tonight. It featured Dr. Lee (the neurosurgeon who originally placed Bryce's VP shunt) doing a groundbreaking procedure to separate the two sides of a 16 month old Austin girl's brain, Aahlaya. The poor baby had "hundreds" of seizures per day. She's now home with her mom and thriving.

The doctors at Dell never cease to amaze me.

But I digress.

Which brings me to my other point.

The March of Dimes.

Do you know that before Bryce was born I literally had no idea what purpose the March of Dimes nor the Ronald McDonald house served? It's sadly true.

And now that I have first hand knowledge I am compelled to give back.

Premature birth is the #1 cause of newborn death in our country.

Though my doctors strongly suspect an infection caused Bryce's premature birth they have say nothing for sure. They insist that should I ever attempt to have another baby my pregnancy and care would be drastically different.

I believe it is imperative that we find out why premature births happen and how we can prevent them.

I have created a March of Dimes team, in honor of Bryce, that will be raising money for this cause. My goal is to raise $1,000. It is a meager goal but one I feel is only the beginning of a life long cause.

By supporting Bryce's team you can show that you care about this cause too. That you believe that although Bryce may be a preemie he is a lucky one that decades of medical breakthroughs made possible. That you want to be a part of the generation that saved millions of babies lives. That there is hope for future generations.

Bryce's team, BAM, will be walking in the March of Dimes on May 8th at Auditorium Shores here in Austin. We'd love it if you'd show your support by walking with us. And if you can't walk please donate. The money raised will support research and programs that will help moms like me have full-term pregnancies. What a thought! As well as bring comfort and much needed information to families with babies born too early.

Please, please, please help us by visiting Bryce's team website and contributing anything you can.

When we woke up early yesterday morning to go about our day Bryce seemed fine. He didn't seem sick. He didn't eat as much as usual and wasn't as happy as we're used to him being in the morning but I shrugged it off.

When Mary dropped him off to me at work yesterday afternoon he was sleeping, as usual. She noted that he hadn't eaten much and had taken only one long nap instead of his usual two short naps.

He was a little fussy when he woke up so I finished what I could, fed him a bottle and we headed home.

On our way home I called to talk it over with Caleb. That's when Caleb said he was feeling worse then yesterday morning, which was worse than the day before, which was worse than the day before. I heard, "I'm sick and contagious...blah, blah, blah."

So I told Caleb he'd have to sleep in the guest room and when I got home I fed Bryce and put him down on his play mat to play while I went about sanitizing and disinfecting every surface in our home. Next thing I knew Bryce had fallen asleep on his play mat. And I thought, that's weird, he never just falls asleep like that.

I finished disinfecting every knob, door handle, counter top, remote control, power button, appliance, faucet, bottle, nipple, pacifier and light switch in the house. I stripped all of the linens from Bryce's room and ours and set about washing them.

Then I went to pick up Bryce and put him in his crib. That's when I felt that he was burning up hot. I took his temperature and he was 101.4 under his arm.

I freaked.

I called Danielle and Lisa, two of our NICU primary nurses. Danielle said without a hesitation to take him to the ER at Dell. Lisa said call your doctor, they should have someone on call. Tiare, another of our NICU nurses, said over Lisa's shoulder to bring him in (bring because they were both working last night).


I did not want to take Bryce to the ER last night. I did not want to go back to Dell, not like that. The on call doctor for our pediatrician confirmed we should go to the ER because he could change drastically over night.

So at a little after 8 p.m. I began packing for every imaginable circumstance of ER inconvenience or germ exposure.

I packed up Bryce and an iced coffee, blankets, diapers, wipes, pacifiers, nipples, extra clothes, bottles, medical records and shot records and even a canister of Lysol antibacterial wipes. Imagine what a freak they thought I was walking into a hospital with my own disinfecting wipes. Hey, control what you can and, well try to control what you can't too - that's my mothering motto. For better or worse. Probably worse.

And so Bryce and I made the drive to Dell.

Caleb wanted so bad to go with us. I think he wanted to be there for me as much as he wanted to be there for Bryce. He knew it would be hard for me but I insisted he stay home. If he was in fact the reason Bryce had gotten sick I wasn't about to let him get another child sick too.

We checked in and due to Bryce's fever and high respiratory rate were immediately triaged and sent to a room. One disaster averted - no waiting room. I was beginning to think I might survive.

The doctor came in and looked him over. He was so sure it was RSV I was wondering why we were testing Bryce for it. But then he said due to Bryce's shunt he wanted to take extra precautions - i.e. chest x-ray, urinalysis, blood test and CBC.

Okay, I can handle this. After five months in the NICU and countless surgeries and procedures I was feeling pretty confident. Unreasonably so as I soon learned.

First we went back for the x-ray. I walked him back to the x-ray room where I was instructed to undress him to his diaper and sit him on a tiny bicycle seat that was sunken down into a hole in a small, counter-height table. Then I was to hold his arms straight up above his head so they could clamp a clear PVC tube around him.

The icing on the cake wasn't the yanking on his arms or his wiggling and whining but the honest-to-God leather strap that held his head in place.

I mean, this thing was straight out of a Hitchcock film and I was participating!

I seriously considering yanking him out of there and running. But I'm the mom now (really, how did that happen?) and I have to be strong for him. So I walked behind the wall to wait as he wailed and riled.

As soon as I could get him afterward I did. I scooped him up and calmed him down. I kissed his tears away and told him how sorry I was.

Back in the room it was time to collect urine and believe me the catheter was no picnic but he's such an amazing little trooper he made it look easy.

Finally the blood. I knew they'd want an IV and I also knew that wasn't going to happen. If I had a penny for every time a NICU nurse, and those NICU nurses can put an IV in anything, sighed with frustration about Bryce's "squiggly preemie veins," well you wouldn't be reading this because we probably wouldn't have time for blogging from our own island paradise.

The second nurse to try for a vein actually had the nerve to get mad at me because Bryce was kicking him. I'd been kicking him too if I thought I could have gotten away with it.

Three and half hours after our arrival the doctor came back and delivered the good news. The flu and RSV tests both came back negative. The urinalysis and blood tests would take a couple of days to grow anything but he doubted they would. And the CBC showed his white count was right on. So we were informed Bryce has some unknown, un-named virus and we should follow up with his pediatrician in the next 1 to 2 days.

And so we've spend the time since then quarantined to one room because Caleb has reinfected the rest of the house with his germs. Bryce has slept more than I ever thought possible but I stay firmly by his side just in case. His fever is controlled by Tylenol and although he's a little grumpy I've managed to coax a smile or two out of him too.

We'll see the pedi first thing tomorrow morning and hope that this is all behind us soon enough.

As for mom? Well, I'll make it. But not without too much worry and anxiety. I'll tame it with a little Zoloft, a little counseling and a lot of faith.

Virus but not flu or RSV. On our way home to follow up with pediatrician tomorrow.