Friday, January 20


I know I promised an update a week ago today, there's just been a lot to think about. I guess I wasn't (and still am not) sure how to write this post.

Things with Bryce have - I'm just gonna say it - always been a struggle. I guess I'm accustomed to that. But lately we seem to have hit some sort of tipping point where it feels like everything is just slowly and surely slipping out of my grasp. He seems to be getting older faster than is possible and I still don't feel good about my decision to continue to push with all of the therapy ECI will provide until he turns 3 and then essentially give him the summer off. I may be coming to terms with it but I don't have to be happy about or give up on other options.

Which is why I've been working myself crazy looking into other programs that might fill this gap. I've almost finished the lengthy process for the Children with Special Health Care Needs program application but am still waiting on one last document from the state to arrive before I can mail it off. The hard part is that I know it's a long shot, I know there is a waiting list and we have to reapply every 6 months or he gets booted to the back. But I'm desperate and my next resort will be weekly bake sales or something. Hmmm, I wonder if that would work?

In more positive news, Bryce had his hearing screen at Dell this morning and though he was awfully hard to read the audiologist felt confident that his hearing isn't what is holding his language back. Consider that box checked.

And after my dad turned me on to this new study finding that babies learn a great deal about how to talk from watching your mouth move, I made an appointment with a low vision specialist for a few weeks from now. I'm hoping that maybe she can give me a better idea of what he sees, what he doesn't and how to help. Bryce's vision instructor does this to a degree but she had mentioned some time ago that this report would help her help him better as well. So I'll consider that box unchecked but in progress.

And finally, on to Baby on the Way (BOTW). Today marks the half way point with BOTW to where I was the day Bryce was born. It's hard not to have anxiety about that. I'm just a hopin' and a prayin' that I'm closer to about a third of the way with this one.

I go back to the perinatologist (Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor) on Tuesday to finish up the nuchal translucency screening. BOTW wasn't quite big enough last week but supposedly doubled in size this week so should be plenty big enough by Tuesday. We'll also be scheduling a cerclage that day.

I can't say I'm excited about the cerclage. At first it looked like a given, then my OB didn't seem too concerned but the peri. is adamant that it be done by 14 weeks. Oy vey.

In case you're not up to speed - and for your sake I sincerely hope you aren't - a cerclage is an in-hospital day procedure where they put a stitch in your cervix to help prevent preterm labor. It's mostly used in cases of incompetent cervix (I deplore that term but don't have another and anyway that's fodder for a whole other post some day). It carries some intrinsic risks since it is an invasive procedure. But this doctor has a lot of experience doing them and as long as the procedure goes well it will reduce my risk of preterm labor significantly. The cerclage is supposed to be removed before labor begins and from what I understand, if it isn't not only will it hurt like hell but it'll mean a c-section. Just another thing to freak out about as far as I'm concerned, but I digress.

So in addition to the cerclage at 14 weeks Caleb will have to begin giving me the 17P (17 alpha-hydroxyprogesterone caproate) shots - in the rear, weekly for the remainder of the pregnancy - which will further reduce my risk.

And they'll check my cervix like a teenager checks Facebook. If something pops up it will be taken seriously and acted on accordingly.

Hopefully, all of these measures, coupled with my own unfortunate first hand knowledge of preterm labor, will keep us safely in the clear to at least 32 or so weeks. Which would be not ideal but so, so, so, so, so much better than 24!

And so that pretty much brings us up to date. Minus all of the boring details about how we don't currently have any actual maternity coverage and how paying the premium on the plan that will *hopefully* provide it beginning in Feb. is going to make us bankrupt, anyway.

My plan for now is to just going to keep on keepin' on. Because whatever has been thrown at us to this point we've somehow managed. If we have to live in a box but can provide what these babies need then so be it.