Thank You

I make it a point to try to remember every night to begin my prayers with thanks. I know, even in the hardest of times, that we have so much to be grateful for.

Today I will thank God for all of you.

For the comments that lift my spirit while bringing tears to my eyes,

For the strangers who take time out of their busy lives to write a kind word,

For all of your prayers most of all.

Thank you.

Pity Party

Some days it's so hard not to ask why. I know I need to be strong for Bryce, and for Caleb too but easier said than done. Bryce has had a hard night and is following up with an equally rough morning. His oxygen needs and ventilator settings have risen dramatically, to the point that there isn't much more that can be done to help him breathe. It's so hard to sit here and watch the monitor alarm because he isn't getting enough oxygen but know that there isn't anything we can do.

I talked with our NNP this morning about my concerns because he had been doing so well yesterday, despite the partially collapsed lung. Unfortunately, sometimes there are no good answers.

She suggested we begin considering steroids because if he continues to worsen this could be fatal for him. That is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever had to hear or type.

Please pardon me my pity party this morning but as I sit here researching the many side effects of steroid use (brain bleeds, Cerebral Palsy, hypertension, hypoglycemia, developmental delays, and the list goes on and on without any concrete evidence linking dosage, birth weight, timing of use, preexisting conditions, etc) I can't help but wonder why.

As I bookmark an American Academy of Pediatrics study I see my bookmarks folder titled, "Nursery." That's what I'm supposed to be doing right now. He's supposed to still be inside my belly, where I can protect him, where I can breathe for him and let him grow to be big and strong all on his own.

Even though I know in my heart of hearts that everything happens for a reason I can't help but feel cheated. All I want is to take him in my arms, to hold him and comfort him, to let him feel that I can make everything all right - to let myself feel that, too.

Bryce's O2 saturation very low despite very, very high ventilator settings - we were asked to begin considering steroids despite their link to CP, etc

Who Doesn't Love Dr. Seuss?!

We had such a nice dinner tonight. Poppa and Sharon took us out for a Father's Day dinner at Austin Land and Cattle. We all had a steak (and my how I missed a good bloody steak!) and enjoyed some time away from the hospital.

Thanks to Bryce's Abuelita for babysitting so we could get out without having to worry too much about what was going on. We know we are so lucky to have parents to watch over him when we need to get away from the hospital, to take us out when we are able to get away and to understand no matter what. Hopefully, in the years to come we can prove to have learned something from them.

Best of all, we (as in Bryce) received a gift for Bryce's room that simply couldn't be more fitting, a limited edition Dr. Seuss print, no. 941 of 2500, from Horton Hears a Who. Unfortunately, you can't make out the text at the bottom from our picture of it but it says, "They've proved they are persons, no matter how small!"

We are proudly displaying it in his room to remind all that enter what a precious little person we have to behold. As if they could forget.

Happy First Father's Day, Caleb

I can't help it, I have to brag - I'm married to one of the best dad's around (it's a tight race between Caleb and my own dad)!


It was just a few weeks ago when Caleb surprised me on Mother's Day - when I was only a mommy to be - with a rocking chair for our front porch. He knew I was excited at the thought of some day rocking our son on our front porch, taking in a little of that Texas sunshine.


Never though, in a million years, did we imagine that on this Father's Day Caleb would actually be a father already. And when I asked Caleb what he wanted for Father's Day he simply replied, "Just my baby, Bryce."



I had gotten him a card but it pales in comparison to the one Bryce and his wonderful nurses did for him this morning:






Of course, it brought me to tears.

I can't help but feel grateful for the wonderful man my son has for a father, for the person that helps me keep it together when I'm overwhelmed by all that has happened. And also the one that holds me and understands when I just have to fall apart a little.

I thank God for a husband that makes me laugh when all I want to do is cry but who can also cry with me when there is nothing else to do.

How lucky is Bryce to have a daddy who wants nothing more than to help him grow strong and teach him the values and morals that he holds so dear.

How lucky are we to get to spend our lives with him.