I just dropped Bryce off at Knowles Elementary for his first day of a five day evaluation for the Leander ISD Early Learning Environment. He'll be there for 4 hours each day this week to be assessed by their vision, physical, occupational and speech instructors/therapists. This will determine if he qualifies for the program after his 3rd birthday and for how much of it.
I can honestly say it's been years since I've felt so much anxiety over him. Leaving him there this morning broke my heart and took every ounce of courage I have. Not crying in front of him or them may be one of the hardest things I've ever done.
I walked him in, which apparently I wasn't supposed to do (they come out and get them all at once). And in the five minutes I was there he face planted into a bookshelf, danced and cried twice.
I sat out in the parking lot as the first class was picked up by parents and the second was picked up by staff. The smallest kid in either class still towers a full head over Bryce and it was obvious that there were no other students who couldn't walk or talk.
How is it possible that it's a good idea to leave him there? Who's idea was it to send the most challenged to school a full two years before their peers? Why isn't there a special place for these special children?
How will I survive a week of this?
My best inner self just keeps saying survive this week and then you have until August 27th to get him walking proficiently, at least with his walker. In an ideal world he'd also be signing maybe 10 basic words or even talking a few but I'm trying to be realistic.
Those are the hardest parts. How will I know if he hit his head on the playground when no one was watching? He can't tell me that his diaper was never changed or that another kid was mean to him. He can't even open his lunch box by himself and going these four hours without a nap is going to push him to his absolute limit.
I take some solace in the knowledge that he is sweet and cute. Unfair as it is, things in life are often easier for the nicer and better looking. But he may not always have those advantages so I hope he never learns to use them as a crutch but rather finds a way to catch up. There's just so much catching up to do.
And how can we add another person to our already full plate in the midst of all of this? It's not fair to Bryce and it won't be fair to BOTW when he's being constantly lugged here and there for therapy and specialist appointments.
Will I ever get to a point where I'm not overwhelmed with worry?