Monday, June 7

Happy Birthday, Bryce

I can't believe it's been a year.

A year since Bryce's startling entrance into our world. A year since we first stepped foot into the NICU at Dell, a hospital I didn't even know how to get to before that day.

It's emotionally overwhelming to think of how we felt that day.

It's a bittersweet birthday.

We are thrilled beyond words to be able to celebrate Bryce's miraculous life today.

But the day of his birth was the hardest day of my life. I remember so vividly the feeling that Bryce would not, could not make it. That here was my first born child in my hands, so tiny and fragile and fighting for his life. That seconds early he had been safely inside my belly and now he was in our hands. The shock and trauma of a thing like that doesn't just go disappear. Not overnight and not even over a year.

Holding his body in my hands felt literally like holding my heart in my hands. I felt him move and fight for breath, I saw him with my own eyes but it was so impossible. Someone had inexplicably reached within my body, ripped out my heart and here I was holding it in my hands. I felt like I would die if he did. I still do.

Caleb and I drove silently from the hospital here to Dell where Bryce was that next morning. Too scared to speak, too afraid it would all crash down on us if we spoke aloud the fears that were circling around in our heads.

Never in a million years did we imagine we'd be here, a year later, happy and mostly healthy and holding our precious boy whenever we want to.

And we've managed to normalize pretty well. We might check on him an inordinate number of times throughout the night. We might be overly anal about cleaning and sterilizing everything he comes into contact with. We might still spend most of our days with therapists, doctors or nurses.

But we have our baby - he's alive, he's joyful and silly, he's sweet and adorable, he's ours and he's here.

And despite all the trials, all the nights spent crying myself to sleep worried sick over his every breath, all the tough decisions and unknown futures, I wouldn't trade it and I wouldn't change it.

It's Bryce's story, it's our story - it's the story that gave us this miracle.

Here's a recap of Bryce's last year in pictures:















  1. YAY BRYCE!!! Happy, happy birthday!!

  2. Happy Birthday to your precious miracle boy!!

  3. Happy Birthday Bryce
    Love U,

  4. Happy Birthday, Bryce. We have thought of you all day. I texted you earlier. I hope it was a great day. We love you and we are looking forward to seeing you.

    Aunt Gene Uncle Lolo Timothy Andrea

  5. Happy Birthday Bryce!! And Happy Birthday to Mommy and Daddy too! What a year you have all had and you made it! May your next year be full of fun, wonderful adventures and even better health!

    Oh, and by the way, meeting Bryce in the flesh the other week was such a treat! Jacob particularly liked seeing the little guy he remembers praying for so often in the summer and fall. He mentioned later that he just couldn't believe that the cute chubby baby he met was the same one that he had seen in pictures.

    You've all come so far! Keep growing and getting cuter Bryce!

    Sending love and birthday wishes your way!


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